Therapy Unplugged: People Are Scared Of Me
Thomas Mills helps a sender who's outgoing personality turns people against them...
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A bit like the Hailee Steinfeld song you played at the end of your last show, I love myself and I don’t need anybody else! I’m extremely confident and, whilst I have lots of friends, I also know that I am comfortable on my own. My confidence and outgoing-ness has brought a lot of opportunities my way, both in school and out, but it also scares people. I’m aware that some people stay away from me because they’re scared of me and other people hate me for being so loud. I don’t know what to do to make more people like me?
Dear Anonymous Intimidation,
Thank you for your positive and intriguing send-in.
You are fortunate indeed if you have lots of friends, but there is always something about quality versus quantity. There is no doubt that being confident, outgoing and positive attracts people to you. On the other hand, a strong personality can be intimidating to those who are not as secure in their being or in their people skills. For those who are not as confident, outgoing personalities tend to make them shy away and retreat into themselves. Avoidance of strong personalities is the best way for insecure people to deal with their own insecurity.
Towards the end of your send in you mention that you feel people hate you for being "so loud". I must say to you that there is a fine line between being outgoing and having a strong personality as opposed to being loud, abrupt and disruptive as the centre of attention. Have you taken a moment to reflect on whether or not your "extreme confidence and outgoing-ness" is not perceived as arrogance? Maybe unbeknownst to you people are taking what you perceive as an outgoing personality as arrogant. This would certainly turn people off from wanting to be around you and converse with you.
Having already stated that you have "lots of friends", maybe you should take interest in quality rather than quantity. It is often said that if you can count your real and true friends on one hand, then you are a very lucky person indeed.
As I stress: communication is key and honesty is the best policy, I think that you should look into creating long lasting and true friendships and worry not about making more. Maintain what you have already and be happy knowing that you are so much more fortunate in friendship than most others. Do not be greedy with "friends" as I am sure that most of those around you are acquaintances rather than true friends. Remember, those that always seek the light of lime tun out to sour the punch in the end.
Let me know how you make out...
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